Adam and Eve had many advantages but the principal one was that they escaped teething.

— S. L. Clemens

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence and then Success is sure.

— S. L. Clemens

Fleas can be taught nearly anything that a Congressman can.

— S. L. Clemens

HAIn't we got all the fools in town on our side? And ain't that a big enough majority in any town?

— S. L. Clemens

He is now fast rising from affluence to poverty.

— S. L. Clemens

It were not best that we should all think alike it is difference of opinion that makes horse races.

— S. L. Clemens

Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.

— S. L. Clemens

Modesty died when false modesty was born.

— S. L. Clemens

The jury system puts a ban upon intelligence and honesty and a premium upon ignorance stupidity and perjury.

— S. L. Clemens

There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race and finish the farce.

— S. L. Clemens