As a rule from what I've observed the American Captain of Industry doesn't do anything out of business hours. When he has put the cat out and locked up the office for the night he just relapses into a state of coma from which he emerges only to start being a Captain of Industry again.

— P. G. Wodehouse

Flowers are happy things.

— P. G. Wodehouse

Golf... is the infallible test. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well.

— P. G. Wodehouse

He looked as if he had been poured into his clothes and had forgotten to say "when."

— P. G. Wodehouse

It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.

— P. G. Wodehouse

It was my Uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought.

— P. G. Wodehouse

Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a cheap restaurant. It is best not to stir them.

— P. G. Wodehouse

Sudden success in golf is like the sudden acquisition of wealth. It is apt to unsettle and deteriorate the character.

— P. G. Wodehouse

The butler entered the room a solemn procession of one.

— P. G. Wodehouse

To find a man's true character, play golf with him.

— P. G. Wodehouse