A few years back, they jacked David Copperfield in West Palm Beach, for Chris sake. Yes, it's funny: "Yo, empty your pockets," and he pulls out a bunny rabbit. But it's also depressing. If someone who can make himself disappear isn't safe, who is?

— Colin Quinn

A lot of lip service gets paid to being honest, but no one really wants to hear it unless what's being said is the party line.

— Colin Quinn

Everybody's got a different sense of humor. It's just different styles.

— Colin Quinn

For the most part, comedians are pretty friendly with each other. They always say they badmouth each other, but most of the time, they're friends. We're the only ones that can really stand our type of humor.

— Colin Quinn

I think the world honestly would be a much healthier place if instead of trying to find rationalizations for our bad behavior we would just say, "I was an asshole. Sure, there were reasons behind it, but that doesn't matter.

— Colin Quinn

I write all the time - I write poetry, I love to write.

— Colin Quinn

Thank God for immigrants. They're the only ones who have any personality left. They still allow themselves emotions, judgments, and all those qualities that we are "evolving" past. I don't know what they're saying, but I can tell they're speaking honestly.

— Colin Quinn

The races are like America's children. White people are the firstborn, so they were Dad's favorite. Black people are the second kids, the abused ones, so they still hate Dad. Latinos are the third, caught in the middle and always trying to make peace between the other siblings. Asians are the youngest, and get good marks in school, but basically are just trying to keep their heads down and not get involved. And Native Americans are the old uncle who owns a house and everyone else in the family was like, "He's not using that! Let's move in!

— Colin Quinn

You can't make everybody laugh. You have to just do what you think is funny. Just be obstreperous to everybody.

— Colin Quinn