I don't know why I feel so wounded with Martin's obvious infatuation with Poppa. There's no romance between us. There's nothing that tethers us but this dark secret neither of us wants. It's not Martin's longing that hurts. It's my own. Furthermore, it's knowing that I'll never have what she has--a beauty so powerful it brings things to you. I fear I will always have to chase things I want. I'll always have to wonder whether I'm truly wanted or whether I've just been settled for.

A Great and Terrible Beauty