I don’t sell spells, and I don’t sell tricks. I don’t carry illusions or marked cards or weighted coins. Furthermore, I can not sell you an endless purse or help you win the lottery. Furthermore, I can’t make that girl you’ve got your eye on fall in love with you, and I wouldn’t do it even if I could. Furthermore, I don’t have a psychic hotline to your dead relatives, I don’t know if you’re going to be successful in your career, and I don’t know when you’re going to get married. Furthermore, I can’t get you into Hogwarts or any other kind of magic school, and if you even mention those stupid sparkly vampires I will do something unpleasant to you.

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