Father Michael has entered the room Wildflower: Ah don’t tell me you’re through a divorce yourself Father? Sure One: Don’t be silly Wildflower, have a bit of respect! He’s here for the ceremony. Wildflower: I know that. I was just trying to lighten the atmosphere. Father Michael: So have the loving couple arrived yet? Sure One: No but it’s customary for the bride to be late. Father Michael: Well is the groom here? Single Sam has entered the room Wildflower: Here he is now. Hello there Single Sam. I think this is the first time ever that both the bride and groom will have to change their names. Single Sam: Hello all. Buttercup: Where’s the bride? Lonely Lady: Probably fixing her makeup. Wildflower: Oh don’t be silly. No one can even see her. Lonely Lady: Single Sam can see her. Sure One: She’s not doing her makeup; she’s supposed to keep the groom waiting. Single Sam: No she’s right here on the laptop beside me. She’s just having problems with her password logging in. Sure One: Doomed from the start. Divorced_1 has entered the room Wildflower: Yahoo! Here comes the bride, all dressed in. . . Single Sam: Black. Wildflower: How charming. Buttercup: She’s right to wear black. Divorced_1: What’s wrong with misery guts today? Lonely Lady: She found a letter from Alex that was written 12 years ago proclaiming his love for her, and she doesn’t know what to do. Divorced_1: Here’s a word of advice. Get over it, he’s married. Now let’s focus the attention on me for a change. SoOverHim has entered the room Father Michael: OK let’s begin. We are gathered here online today to witness the marriage of Single Sam (soon to be “Sam”) and Divorced_1 (soon to be “Married_1”). SoOverHim: WHAT?? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE? THIS IS A MARRIAGE CEREMONY IN A DIVORCED PEOPLE CHAT ROOM?? Wildflower: Uh-oh, looks like we got ourselves a gate crashed here. Excuse me can we see your wedding invite please? Divorced_1: Ha ha. SoOverHim: YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY? YOU PEOPLE MAKE ME SICK, COMING IN HERE AND TRYING TO UPSET OTHERS WHO ARE GENUINELY TROUBLED. Buttercup: Oh we are genuinely troubled alright. And could you please STOP SHOUTING. Lonely Lady: You see SoOverHim, this is where Single Sam and Divorced_1 met for the first time. SoOverHim: OH I HAVE SEEN IT ALL NOW! Buttercup: Ssh! SoOverHim: Sorry. Mind if I stick around? Divorced_1: Sure grab a pew; just don’t trip over my train. Wildflower: Ha ha. Father Michael: OK we should get on with this; I don’t want to be late for my 2 o’clock. First I have to ask, is there anyone in here who thinks there is any reason why these two should not be married? Lonely Lady: Yes. Sure One: I could give more than one reason. Buttercup: Hell yes. SoOverHim: DON’T DO IT! Father Michael: Well I’m afraid this has put me in a very tricky predicament. Divorced_1: Father we are in a divorced chat room, of course they all object to marriage. Can we get on with it? Father Michael: Certainly. Do you Sam take Penelope to be your lawful-wedded wife? Single Sam: I do. Father Michael: Do you Penelope take Sam to be your lawful-wedded husband? Divorced_1: I do (yeah, yeah my name is Penelope). Father Michael: You have already e-mailed your vows to me so by the online power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride. Now if the witnesses could click on the icon to the right of the screen they will find a form to type their names, addresses, and phone numbers. Once that’s filled in just e-mail it off to me. I’ll be off now. Congratulations again. Father Michael has left the room Wildflower: Congrats Sam and Penelope! Divorced_1: Thanks girls for being here. SoOverHim: Freaks. SoOverHim has left the room

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