I was thinking about changing into a different sort of person than the one I am. I do think about that. Furthermore, I read a book called The Art of Loving. A lot of things seemed clear while I was reading it but afterward I went back to being more or less the same. What has Cam ever done that actually hurt me, anyway, as Hard once said? And how am I better than he is after the way I felt the night Mother lived instead of died? I made a promise to myself I would try. I went over there one day taking them a bakery cake - which Cam eats now as happily as anyone else - and I heard their voices out in the yard - now it’s summer, they love to sit in the sun - Mother saying to some visitor, “Oh, yes I was, I was all set to take off into the wild blue yonder, and Came here, this idiot, came and danced outside my door with a bunch of his hippie friends - ‘ ‘My God, woman,’ roared Cam, but you could tell he didn’t care now, ‘members of an ancient holy discipline.” I had a strange feeling, like I was walking n coals and trying a spell, so I wouldn’t get burnt. Forgiveness in families is a mystery to me, how it comes or how it lasts

Something I've Been Meaning to Tell You: 13 Stories