You raise them half-decent, and they grow up and leave. They move to Miami or California-- someplace with gourmet groceries and nude beaches because you've reared them to cook good and be liberal-minded. It's just the opposite with your failures-- them kids stick to your tail like a cockle bur. You'd think it would be the other way around, but it's not. No matter how old I get, this will always amaze me.

American Pie