Amy hated--hated--the way the grown-ups her parents had surrounded themselves with were so quick to offer prayers and so low to actually do anything. Old women who barely left the house for anything but bingo and congratulated themselves on never drinking alcohol or saying dirty words, thinking God created humans to stay home and watch televangelists and just run out the clock until the day they die. Well, Amy figured you don't need more than five minutes on this planet to figure out that one thing we know about God--maybe the only thing--is that he favors those who act. David also believed that, through he didn't realize it.

— David Wong

Amy said, "So, you're making a flamethrower?"" Amy, we have to be prepared. We don't know what we'll find in that place, but for all we know it could be the Devil himself."" David, what possible good is that thing gone

— David Wong

...and - holy shit was this song bad. It was like the singer was stabbing my ear with a dagger made of dried turds.

— David Wong

But in those first hours after you take it, your brain is tuned in like nothing you can imagine. Eyes like the Hubble telescope, sensing light that's not even on the spectrum. You might be able to read minds, make time stop, cook pasta that's exactly right every time.

— David Wong

Damn it! I knew she was a monster! John! Amy! Listen! Guard your buttholes.

— David Wong

Fred said, “Man, I think he’s going to make a fuckin’ suit of human skin, using the best parts from each of us.”“Holy crap,” said John. “He’ll be gorgeous.

— David Wong

Fuck that. Fuck that idea like the fucking captain of the Thai Fuck Team fucking at the fucking Tour de Fuck.

— David Wong

Gullibility is a knife at the throat of civilization.

— David Wong

Guys like him, the ones who grip the Bible so tight they leave fingernail grooves, they're the ones who are the most scared of their dark side. Always going too far the other way, fighting for the Lord, often just because it gives them an excuse to fight.

— David Wong

Here’s exclusive Channel 5 video of a local man having his brain eaten by a winged gremlin. Local gremlin experts warn that—

— David Wong