All my humor is based on destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I'd be standing in the bread line - right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.

— Lenny Bruce

Communism is like one big phone company.

— Lenny Bruce

Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.

— Lenny Bruce

If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.

— Lenny Bruce

If you can't say "Fuck" you can't say, "Fuck the government.

— Lenny Bruce

If you live in New York, even if you're Catholic, you're Jewish

— Lenny Bruce

In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.

— Lenny Bruce

I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like "What I'm Going to be If I Grow Up

— Lenny Bruce

I won't say ours was a tough school but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like "What I'm Going to Be if I Grow Up."

— Lenny Bruce

Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.

— Lenny Bruce