Oh, why did nobody warn me?" cried Grimes in agony. "I should have been told. They should have told me in so many words. They should have warned me about Flossie, not about the fires of hell. I've risked them, and I don't mind risking them again, but they should have told me about marriage. They should have told me that at the end of that gay journey and flower-strewn path were the hideous lights of home and the voices of children.

— Evelyn Waugh

One does not travel, any more than one falls in love, to collect material. It is simply part of one's life...

— Evelyn Waugh

One of the problems of the vacation is money, father.”“Oh, I shouldn’t worry about a thing like that at your age.”“You see, I’ve run rather short.”“Yes?” said my father without any sound of interest.“In fact I don’t quite know how I’m going to get through the next two months.”“Well, I’m the worst person to come to for advice. I’ve never been ‘short’ as you so painfully call it. And yet what else could you say? Hard up? Penurious? Distressed? Embarrassed? Stony-broke?” (Snuffle.) “On the rocks? In Queer Street? Let us say you are in Queer Street and leave it at that. Your grandfather once said to me, ‘Live within your means, but if you do get into difficulties, come to me. Don’t go to the Jews.

— Evelyn Waugh

Perhaps host and guest is really the happiest relation for father and son.

— Evelyn Waugh

Peter Postmaster and the absurdly youthful colonel of the new force were drawing up a list of suitable officers in Bracts Club. 'Most war seems to consist of hanging about,' he said. 'Let's at least hang about with our own friends.

— Evelyn Waugh

Punctuality is the virtue of the bored.

— Evelyn Waugh

Rex, in his early forties, had grown heavy and ruddy; he had lost his Canadian accent and acquired instead the hoarse, loud tone that was common to all his friends, as though their voices were perpetually strained to make themselves heard above a crowd, as though, with youth forsaking them, there was no time to wait the opportunity to speak, no time to listen, no time to reply; time for a laugh — a throaty mirthless laugh, the base currency of goodwill.

— Evelyn Waugh

Sebastian is in love with his own childhood. That will make him very unhappy.

— Evelyn Waugh

So through a world of piety I made my way to Sebastian.

— Evelyn Waugh

Success in this world depends on knowing exactly how little effort each job is worth...distribution of energy...

— Evelyn Waugh