I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.

— Robert Benchley

In America there are two classes of travel - first class and with children.

— Robert Benchley

In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.

— Robert Benchley

It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.

— Robert Benchley

It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.

— Robert Benchley

Let's get out of these wet clothes and into a dry martini.

— Robert Benchley

New York - The city where the people from Oshkosh look at the people from Dubuque in the next theater seats and say "These New Yorkers don't dress any better than we do.

— Robert Benchley

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.

— Robert Benchley

Streets flooded. Please advise.

— Robert Benchley

Tell us your phobias, and we will tell you what you are afraid of.

— Robert Benchley