Abraham," he said. "I'm pleased to see you alive, old friend."" And I to see you dead.

— Seth Grahame-Smith

‎And when this intoxication has worn away... when every desire is fulfilled and every language learned-when there are no more distant cities to explore; no classics to be studied; not another coin to be stuffed in to one's coffers-what then? One can have all the comforts of the world, but what use are they if there is no comfort in them?

— Seth Grahame-Smith

But if you read Jane Austen, you know that she had a wicked sense of humor. Not only was she funny, but her early writing was very dark and had a gothic tone to it.

— Seth Grahame-Smith

Contrary to his infallibly "honest" image, Abe wasn't above lying so long as it served a noble purpose.

— Seth Grahame-Smith

Elizabeth: "Your balls, Mr. Darcy?" Darcy: "They belong to you, Miss Bennett.

— Seth Grahame-Smith

Father may have been wanting in some things, but here he was masterful. Night upon night, I marveled at his power to hold listeners in rapt attention. He could tell a story with such detail, such flourish, that afterward a man could swear it had been his own memory, and not a tale at all.

— Seth Grahame-Smith

From this moment on, nothing is what it seems. You're not a human being, you're a character- and filmmakers are doing everything in their power to kill you even now. Supernatural powers and curses are real, and numbers like 666 and 237 can kill you just as easily as a butch knife. Log cabins are slaughterhouses, cornstalks are antennas for evil, and aliens never, ever come in peace.

— Seth Grahame-Smith

He begged to know to which of his fair cousins the excellency of its cookery was owing. Briefly forgetting her manners, Mary grabbed her fork and leapt from her chair onto the table. Lydia, who was seated nearest her, grabbed her ankle before she could dive at Mr. Collins and, presumably, stab him about the head and neck for such an insult.

— Seth Grahame-Smith

How pleasant it is to spend an evening in this way! I declare after all there is no enjoyment like reading!”“Spoken like one who has never known the ecstasy of holding a still-beating heart in her hand.

— Seth Grahame-Smith

I have read of the great wars of ages past, and men slaughtered by the tens of thousands. And we give but fleeting consideration to their deaths, for it is our nature to banish such thoughts.

— Seth Grahame-Smith