I can't prove it yet know it when I seem it.

— Brian Spellman

I finally decided what I want to be when I grow up - late.

— Brian Spellman

If life was fair ... one third of the people would comprise judges and lawyers ... one third of police and prison officials ... and one third of legislators ... and one third more to make the other three thirds make any sense at all .... Thank goodness for no fair.

— Brian Spellman

I forgot what I was going to think.

— Brian Spellman

If sensing so badly of yourself you also sense a need to make me sense that, then I sense sadly that you cannot make better sense … sadder still if you cannot sense my sincerity.

— Brian Spellman

If the mind fits, shrink it.

— Brian Spellman

If you only go around once in life, then why has that one gone around more than once?

— Brian Spellman

If you see me standing on my head, I'm trying to cheer you up with my frown. I need my honesty, you my pleasantry.

— Brian Spellman

If you sense so badly that you also sense a need to make me sense that, then I sense sadly that you cannot make better sense ... sadder still if you cannot sense my sincerity.

— Brian Spellman

If you want to commit suicide why tell anyone? They'd ruin everything.

— Brian Spellman