Ah, heavens and earth, friend, if you had made the acquiring of ignorance the study of your life, you could not have graduated with higher honor that you could to-day.

— Mark Twain

A home without a cat — and a well-fed, well-petted and properly revered cat — may be a perfect home, perhaps, but how can it prove title?

— Mark Twain

Ah, that shows you the power of music, that magician of magician, who lifts his wand and says his mysterious word and all things real pass away and the phantoms of your mind walk before you clothed in flesh.

— Mark Twain

A hypocritical businessman, whose fortune had been the misfortune of many others, told Mark Twain piously, “Before I die I intend to make a pilgrimage to the Holy Land. I want to climb to the top of Mount Sinai and read the Ten Commandments aloud.” “I have a better idea,” suggested Twain. “Why don’t you stay right at home in Boston and keep them?

— Mark Twain

A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.

— Mark Twain

All generalizations are false, including this one.

— Mark Twain

All right, then, I'll go to hell.

— Mark Twain

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

— Mark Twain

Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

— Mark Twain

Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other.

— Mark Twain