And what does it amount to?" said Satan, with his evil chuckle. "Nothing at all. You gain nothing; you always come out where you went in. For a million years the race has gone on monotonously propagating itself and monotonously reperforming this dull nonsense--to what end? No wisdom can guess! Who gets a profit out of it? Nobody but a parcel of usurping little monarchs and mobilities who despise you; would feel defiled if you touched them; would shut the door in your face if you proposed to call; whom you slave for, fight for, die for, and are not ashamed of it, but proud; whose existence is a perpetual insult to you, and you are afraid to resent it; who are mendicants supported by your alms, yet assume toward you the airs of benefactor toward beggar; who address you in the language of master to slave, and are answered in the language of slave to master; who are worshiped by you with your mouth, while in your heart--if you have one--you despise yourselves for it. The first man was a hypocrite and a coward, qualities which have not yet failed in his line; it is the foundation upon which all civilizations have been built.

— Mark Twain

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.

— Mark Twain

An honest man in politics shines more there than he would elsewhere.- A Tramp Abroad

— Mark Twain

An honest politician is an oxymoron.

— Mark Twain

An oyster has hardly any more reasoning power than a scientist has; and so if it is reasonably certain that this one jumped to the conclusion that the nineteen million years was a preparation for him; but that would be just like an oyster, which is the most conceited animal there is, except man. And anyway, this one could not know, at that early date, that he was only an incident in a scheme, and that there was some more in the scheme yet.

— Mark Twain

Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary.

— Mark Twain

A person that started in to carry a cat home by the tail was getting knowledge that was always going to be useful to him, and warn't ever going to grow dim or doubtful.

— Mark Twain

A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read.

— Mark Twain

A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.

— Mark Twain

April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.

— Mark Twain