If you end up with a boring miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest, or some guy on television telling you how to do your shit, then you deserve it.

— Frank Zappa

If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library.

— Frank Zappa

I have an important message to deliver to all the cute people all over the world. If you're out there, and you're cute, maybe you're beautiful. I just want to tell you somethin' — there's more of us UGLY MOTHERFUCKERS than you are, hey-y, so watch out.

— Frank Zappa

I like to watch the news, because I don't like people very much and when you watch the news ... if you ever had an idea that people were really terrible, you could watch the news and know that you're right.

— Frank Zappa

I never set out to be weird. It was always other people who called me weird.

— Frank Zappa

Information is not knowledge. Knowledge is not wisdom. Wisdom is not truth. Truth is not beauty. Beauty is not love. Love is not music. Music is THE BEST.

— Frank Zappa

Interviewer: 'So Frank, you have long hair. Does that make you a woman?' Frank Zappa: 'You have a wooden leg. Does that make you a table?

— Frank Zappa

I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.

— Frank Zappa

I wrote a song about dental floss but did anyone's teeth get cleaner?

— Frank Zappa

Jazz isn't dead. It just smells funny.

— Frank Zappa