Does Uncle Bob have anything?"" I heard he has an STD."" I mean on the women."" Oh, I have no idea if they have any STDs.

— Darynda Jones

Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you’re done. —T-SHIRT

— Darynda Jones

Don't let writers block push you around. Figure out what the problem is, whether it's with the ms or it's in your personal life, and face it head on. Don't stop writing. Just try really hard to work through it.

— Darynda Jones

For the first time in my life, I was in a shoot-out. A real, honest-to-goodness shoot-out with a bad guy. And, apparently, we both sucked.

— Darynda Jones

Fresh writing and an original twist on an old idea. As much as this term is hated in the industry, it doesn't make it any less true. High concept. Simply put, you take a universal concept, something that has been done a million times (because everything has been done a million times), and add a fresh twist to it. Something no one saw coming. But mostly fresh writing! Keep it clean, simple, and compelling.

— Darynda Jones

Gemma Davidson,” she answered, her voice as groggy as I felt. “Where are you?” I asked. “Who is this?” “Elvis.” “What time is it?” “Hammer time?” “Charley.” “Did you text me? Did your car break down?” “No and no. Why are you doing this to me?” She was funny. “Check your cell.” I heard a loud, sleepy sigh, some rustling of sheets, then, “It won’t come on.” “Not at all?” “No. What did you do to it?” “I ate it for breakfast. Check the battery compartment.” “Where the hell is that?” “Um, behind the battery door.” “Are you punning me?” I heard her fumbling with the phone. “Gem, if I was going to punk you, I wouldn't simply turn off your phone. I would pour honey in your hair while you slept. Or, you know, something like that.” “That was you?” she asked, appalled.

— Darynda Jones

Gemma had blond hair and blue eyes. I did not. Gemma was always an A student. I was more of a B-all-you-can-be kind of gal. When Gemma was into science, I was into skipping. When Gemma was into foreign languages, I was into the hot Italian guy down the street.

— Darynda Jones

God, I loved Sammy. I’d considered marrying him, but his wife got upset when I asked for his hand.

— Darynda Jones

Have you slept yet?'' Sure. I took a power nap on the way over.'' Didn't you drive there?'' Yeah. Other drivers kept waking me up. Car horns should be illegal.'- Charley & Cookie

— Darynda Jones

He bombarded me with words, of all things, apparently clueless to the fact that the predawn hours rendered me incapable of coherent thought.

— Darynda Jones