Every single time you crossed over for me and met me on my side. I realize now, I don't think I ever met you in the middle. And I don't think I ever once said that you for that.

— Cecelia Ahern

Fairy tales are such evil little stories for young children.

— Cecelia Ahern

Fairy tales are such evil stories for young children. Every time I'm in a mess I expect a long-haired posh-speaking man to come trotting into my life (on a horse of course, literally trotting himself...) Then you realize you don't want a long-haired posh-speaking man trotting into your life because he's the one who put you in the bloody mess in the first place.

— Cecelia Ahern

...fairy tales, just a fancy word for lies...

— Cecelia Ahern

Father Michael has entered the room Wildflower: Ah don’t tell me you’re through a divorce yourself Father? Sure One: Don’t be silly Wildflower, have a bit of respect! He’s here for the ceremony. Wildflower: I know that. I was just trying to lighten the atmosphere. Father Michael: So have the loving couple arrived yet? Sure One: No but it’s customary for the bride to be late. Father Michael: Well is the groom here? Single Sam has entered the room Wildflower: Here he is now. Hello there Single Sam. I think this is the first time ever that both the bride and groom will have to change their names. Single Sam: Hello all. Buttercup: Where’s the bride? Lonely Lady: Probably fixing her makeup. Wildflower: Oh don’t be silly. No one can even see her. Lonely Lady: Single Sam can see her. Sure One: She’s not doing her makeup; she’s supposed to keep the groom waiting. Single Sam: No she’s right here on the laptop beside me. She’s just having problems with her password logging in. Sure One: Doomed from the start. Divorced_1 has entered the room Wildflower: Yahoo! Here comes the bride, all dressed in. . . Single Sam: Black. Wildflower: How charming. Buttercup: She’s right to wear black. Divorced_1: What’s wrong with misery guts today? Lonely Lady: She found a letter from Alex that was written 12 years ago proclaiming his love for her, and she doesn’t know what to do. Divorced_1: Here’s a word of advice. Get over it, he’s married. Now let’s focus the attention on me for a change. SoOverHim has entered the room Father Michael: OK let’s begin. We are gathered here online today to witness the marriage of Single Sam (soon to be “Sam”) and Divorced_1 (soon to be “Married_1”). SoOverHim: WHAT?? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE? THIS IS A MARRIAGE CEREMONY IN A DIVORCED PEOPLE CHAT ROOM?? Wildflower: Uh-oh, looks like we got ourselves a gate crashed here. Excuse me can we see your wedding invite please? Divorced_1: Ha ha. SoOverHim: YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY? YOU PEOPLE MAKE ME SICK, COMING IN HERE AND TRYING TO UPSET OTHERS WHO ARE GENUINELY TROUBLED. Buttercup: Oh we are genuinely troubled alright. And could you please STOP SHOUTING. Lonely Lady: You see SoOverHim, this is where Single Sam and Divorced_1 met for the first time. SoOverHim: OH I HAVE SEEN IT ALL NOW! Buttercup: Ssh! SoOverHim: Sorry. Mind if I stick around? Divorced_1: Sure grab a pew; just don’t trip over my train. Wildflower: Ha ha. Father Michael: OK we should get on with this; I don’t want to be late for my 2 o’clock. First I have to ask, is there anyone in here who thinks there is any reason why these two should not be married? Lonely Lady: Yes. Sure One: I could give more than one reason. Buttercup: Hell yes. SoOverHim: DON’T DO IT! Father Michael: Well I’m afraid this has put me in a very tricky predicament. Divorced_1: Father we are in a divorced chat room, of course they all object to marriage. Can we get on with it? Father Michael: Certainly. Do you Sam take Penelope to be your lawful-wedded wife? Single Sam: I do. Father Michael: Do you Penelope take Sam to be your lawful-wedded husband? Divorced_1: I do (yeah, yeah my name is Penelope). Father Michael: You have already e-mailed your vows to me so by the online power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride. Now if the witnesses could click on the icon to the right of the screen they will find a form to type their names, addresses, and phone numbers. Once that’s filled in just e-mail it off to me. I’ll be off now. Congratulations again. Father Michael has left the room Wildflower: Congrats Sam and Penelope! Divorced_1: Thanks girls for being here. SoOverHim: Freaks. SoOverHim has left the room

— Cecelia Ahern

Father Michael:OK we should get on with this; I don’t want to be late for my 2 o’clock. First I have to ask, is there anyone in here who thinks there is any reason why these two should not be married? LonelyLady:Yes. SureOne:I could give more than one reason. Buttercup:Hell yes. SoOverHim:DON’T DO IT!

— Cecelia Ahern

For the yesterdays and today's, and the tomorrows I can hardly wait for - Thank you.

— Cecelia Ahern

He tried to tell me week after week to accept things as they were and move on with my life. But if there was one man who had put his life on hold to wait for something or someone, it was him.

— Cecelia Ahern

He was comparing you to the butterflies that you both adore and cherish, and he said you were special for the same reasons: you were rare, exotic and entirely you. He said you're beautiful exactly the way are now.

— Cecelia Ahern

Holly's theory about the army," Sharon explained. And what is it?" Denise asked, intrigued. Oh, that fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

— Cecelia Ahern