ABNORMAL, adj. Not conforming to standards in matters of thought and conduct. To be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be detested. A striving toward the strainer [sic] resemblance of the Average Man than he hath to himself, whoso attained thereto shall have peace, the prospect of death and the hope of Hell.

— Ambrose Bierce

Abstainer: a weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

— Ambrose Bierce

Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.

— Ambrose Bierce

Achievement is the death of endeavor and the birth of disgust.

— Ambrose Bierce

Achievement: The death of an endeavor and the birth of disgust.

— Ambrose Bierce

Acquaintance n: a person whom we know well enough to borrow from but not well enough to lend to.

— Ambrose Bierce

Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

— Ambrose Bierce

Admiration: Our polite recognition of another man's resemblance to ourselves.

— Ambrose Bierce

Ah, children of the sunlight and the gaslight, how little you know of the world in which you live!

— Ambrose Bierce

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

— Ambrose Bierce