I want my rock stars dead.

— Bill Hicks

I was in Nashville, Tennessee last year. After the show I went to a Waffle House. I'm not proud of it, I was hungry. And I'm alone, I'm eating, and I'm reading a book, right? Waitress walks over to me: 'Hey, what are you readin' for?' Isn't that the weirdest fuckin' question you've ever heard? Not what am I reading, but what am I reading FOR? Well, goddammit, ya stumped me! Why do I read? Well. . . Hmmm... I don't know... I guess I read for a lot of reasons and the main one is, so I don't end up being a fuckin' waffle waitress.

— Bill Hicks

Let me tell you about gays in the military. I don't want any gay people hanging around me while I'm killing kids. I just don't want to see it.

— Bill Hicks

Life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.

— Bill Hicks

Listen, the next revolution is going to be a revolution of ideas.

— Bill Hicks

Music is a great energizer. It's a language everybody knows.

— Bill Hicks

Oh sorry, I was taking life seriously.

— Bill Hicks

People often ask me where I stand politically. It's not that I disagree with Bush's economic policy or his foreign policy, it's that I believe he was a child of Satan sent here to destroy the planet Earth. Little to the left.

— Bill Hicks

So I'm over there in England, you know, trying to get news about the [L.A.] riots... and all these Brit people are trying to sympathize with me... 'Oh Bill, crime is horrible. Bill, if it's any consolation crime is horrible here, too.' ... Shutup. This is Hobbit own, and I am Bilbo Hicks, Okay? This is a land of fairies and elves. You do not have crime like we have crime, but I appreciate you trying to be, you know, Diplomatic. You have to see English crime. It's hilarious, you don't know if you're reading the front page or the comic section over there. I swear to God. I read an article - front page of the paper - one day, in England: 'Yesterday, some Hooligans knocked over a dustbin in Hasbro.' Voodoo... 'The hooligans are loose! The hooligans are loose! What if they become roughing? I would hate to be a dustbin in Hasbro tonight.

— Bill Hicks

The best kind of comedy to me is when you make people laugh at things they’ve never laughed at, and also take a light into the darkened corners of people’s minds, exposing them to the light.

— Bill Hicks