A library is like an island in the middle of a vast sea of ignorance, particularly if the library is very tall and the surrounding area has been flooded.

— Daniel Handler

All over the world are particular people, and you could be happy with probably five or six of them, eight if you're bisexual and everyone is.

— Daniel Handler

And then like a song we'd forgotten was even on the mix, you stepped into the house and my whole life.

— Daniel Handler

Another gift, another secret, another time to lean in and kiss me.

— Daniel Handler

But before, not so long ago - my own rose from prom still OK on the mirror, dried but not a corpse - you were just Ed Slater ton, rocky hero, handsome in the student newspaper and star of a million strands of gossip. Now Annette was a person to me, standing right there, and not just an oh-my-God-have-you-heard, and I tried to put it together in my head, the print and the negative, the boyfriend and the celebrity shadow, like Theodora Sire sat next to me in history, borrowing pencils, but was still a movie star above my bed. Because as you came out of the dark to me, you were the boy I was kissing and wanted to kiss more, back to find me at a party like anybody might do, but you were Ed Slater ton too, and not the cad you are now, but just Ed Slater ton, co-captain, with a beer in your hand and Jillian Beach on your arm.

— Daniel Handler

Call me later, you’d said, so I could call you later, at night, and it is those nights I miss you, Ed, the most, on the phone, you beautiful bastard.

— Daniel Handler

Everything else has vanished, so you take them now. Maybe if you're the one keeping them, I'll be the one feeling better.

— Daniel Handler

For every girl I thought I was uncomplicated sex, it wasn't. Put it this way: if you can't see the complication, you're probably it.

— Daniel Handler

Here we are at the bottom, almost empty. It's like confetti, these dried remnants you find in the street for a party no one invited you to. But they used to be, I can admit, part of something beautiful.

— Daniel Handler

He thought she knew what he meant, but the biggest mistake you can make is thinking they know what you mean.

— Daniel Handler