I don't really like surprises. Not big ones anyway. Just having a pack of Revels holds enough of a surprise for me.

— Karl Pilkington

I drive a car, like an adult. Not brilliantly. I'm not great.

— Karl Pilkington

I'd say the best is when I was in Africa, I saw a hippo in a house. Someone had a pet hippo. And they're meant to be one of the most dangerous animals on the planet, and they had one that was sort of just wandering in and out of their house, just sort of roaming about.

— Karl Pilkington

I find that if you just talk, your mouth comes up with stuff.

— Karl Pilkington

I found that being with happy positive people annoy me.

— Karl Pilkington

I had a bad experience doing public speaking at school. I had to talk about a pen for five minutes and it was really hard work. Furthermore, I couldn't wait to get off the stage.

— Karl Pilkington

I know who I am. Bloody hell, I'm getting enough bills for Karl Pilkington, so I hope I am him, 'cos if I'm not, I have no idea who I'm paying for.

— Karl Pilkington

I'm not a proper traveler. I don't like to be challenged or have too much of a change and prefer a week away just to relax.

— Karl Pilkington

I'm not that lazy, but I don't need that much money. I lead a fairly simple life.

— Karl Pilkington

I think happiness is a bit like a cake. If you have cake every single day of your life you'll get sick of it. If you're happily everyday, you'll get sick of being happy… That's a good saying, actually. Happiness is like a cake. Have too much and you'll get sick of it.

— Karl Pilkington