A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. —STEVEN WRIGHT

— Darynda Jones

After a long, labored sigh, I said, “She was really happy when I got there. I’m pretty sure she was suicidal when I left.”“You do have that effect on people.

— Darynda Jones

After a long pause in which he took the time to blink several times, he asked, "You named your breasts?" I turned my back to him with a shrug. "I named my ovaries, too, but they don't get out as much.

— Darynda Jones

After an initial rush of pleasure that left me trembling with need, I broke off the heated kiss and whispered, "Okay, you win." He leaned over me and said into my ear, "Dutch, I won the moment you crawled into bed." He really did need to work on his self-esteem.

— Darynda Jones

A lot of people are alive because I shed too much hair to get away with murder.

— Darynda Jones

ALWAYS hook a reader. If a detail is unnecessary, it doesn't belong in your work, long or short! Make everything intriguing. If you have to describe a desk, make it awesome.

— Darynda Jones

Amado and Bianca have a great life that I'm only a little jealous of. They have two kids they bring to see me. His daughter, Ashlee, is almost five now. She has asked me to marry her when I get out. It feels kind of weird since she calls me Uncle Reyes and incest is frowned upon, but who am I to argue with true love?

— Darynda Jones

Amber was busy flirting with a rookie named Dead Meat if he didn’t stop flirting back. She was eleven, for heaven’s sake! Of course, he may have just been humoring her. And it was a little cute. In a gross, Chester-the-molester kind of way.

— Darynda Jones

Ambulances were cool. “You just want to fondle my extraneous body parts,” I said to the EMT as I picked up a silver gadget that looked disturbingly like an alien orifice probe, broke it, then promptly put it back, hoping it wouldn’t leave someone’s life hanging in the balance because the EMT couldn’t alien-probe his orifices.

— Darynda Jones

And as your writing evolves, what you need and get from it evolves.

— Darynda Jones