I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.

— Woody Allen

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

— Woody Allen

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work I want to achieve it through not dying.

— Woody Allen

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.

— Woody Allen

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

— Woody Allen

I feel about New York as a child whose father is a bank robber. Not perfect but I still love him.

— Woody Allen

I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horrible are like, I don't know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. And the miserable is everyone else. So you should be thankful that you're miserable, because that's very lucky, to be miserable.

— Woody Allen

If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.

— Woody Allen

If I could only see one miracle just one miracle. Like a burning bush or the seas part or my uncle Sasha pick up a check.

— Woody Allen

If I had my life to live over I wish I could be a great pianist or something.

— Woody Allen