Do you know why hurricanes have names instead of numbers? To keep the killing personal. No one cares about a bunch of people killed by a number. '200 Dead as Number Three Slams Ashore' is not nearly as interesting a headline as 'Charlie kills 200.' Death is much more satisfying and entertaining if you personalize it. Me, I'm still waitin' for Hurricane Ed. Old Ed wouldn't hurt ya, would he? Sounds kinda friendly. 'Hell no, we ain't evacuatin'. Ed's comin'!

— George Carlin

Electricity is really just organized lightning

— George Carlin

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

— George Carlin

Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.

— George Carlin

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

— George Carlin

Forget the politicians. The politicians are put there to give you the idea you have freedom of choice. You don't. You have no choice. Furthermore, you have owners. They own you. They own everything. Furthermore, they own all the important land, they own and control the corporations that've long since bought and paid for, the senate, the congress, the state houses, the city halls, they got the judges in their back pocket, and they own all the big media companies so they control just about all the news and the information you get to hear. Furthermore, they got you by the balls. Furthermore, they spend billions of dollars every year lobbying to get what they want. Well, we know what they want. They want more for themselves and less for everybody else. But I'll tell you what they don't want. They don't want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. They don't want well-informed, well-educated people capable of critical thinking. Furthermore, they're not interested in that. That doesn't help them.

— George Carlin

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

— George Carlin

Fuck rational thought

— George Carlin

Fuck the drug war. Dropping acid was a profound turning point for me, a seminal experience. I make no apologies for it. More people should do acid. It should be sold over the counter.

— George Carlin

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

— George Carlin