A stranger to myself and to the world, armed solely with a thought that negates itself as soon as it asserts, what is this condition in which I can have peace only by refusing to know and to live, in which the appetite for conquest bumps into walls that defy its assaults?

— Albert Camus

Beauty is a whore, I like money better.

— Michael Cunningham

Be nice to people on your way up, because you'll land on them on your way down

— Josh Stern

BERGER: And you consider all this natural? 
DUD ARD: What could be more natural than a rhinoceros? 
BERGER: Yes, but for a man to turn into a rhinoceros is abnormal beyond question. 
DUD ARD: Well, of course, that's a matter of opinion ... BERGER: It is beyond question, absolutely beyond question! 
DUD ARD: You seem very sure of yourself. Who can say where the normal stops and the abnormal begins? Can you personally define these conceptions of normality and abnormality? Nobody has solved this problem yet, either medically or philosophically. You ought to know that. 
BERGER: The problem may not be resolved philosophically -- but in practice it's simple. They may prove there's no such thing as movement ... and then you start walking ... [he starts walking up and down the room] ... and you go on walking, and you say to yourself, like Galileo, 'E PUR is move' ... DUD ARD: You're getting things all mixed up! Don't confuse the issue. In Galileo's case it was the opposite: theoretic and scientific thought proving itself superior to mass opinion and dogmatism. 
BERGER: [quite lost] What does all that mean? Mass opinion, dogmatism -- they're just words! I may be mixing everything up in my head, but you're losing yours. You don't know what's normal and what isn't anymore. I couldn't care less about Galileo ... I don't give a damn about Galileo. 
DUD ARD: You brought him up in the first place and raised the whole question, saying that practice always had the last word. Maybe it does, but only when it proceeds from theory! The history of thought and science proves that. BERGER: [more and more furious] It doesn't prove anything of the sort! It's all gibberish, utter lunacy! 
DUD ARD: There again we need to define exactly what we mean by lunacy ... BERGER: Lunacy is lunacy and that's all there is to it! Everybody knows what lunacy is. And what about the rhinoceroses -- are they practice or are they theory?

— Eugène Ionesco

Blood is thicker than water, and so is diarrhea

— Josh Stern

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.

— Garrison Keillor

Children and dogs are the messengers of God some of us do not deserve them

— Ginnetta Correli

Christians must show that misery fits the good for heaven, while happiness prepares the bad for hell; that the wicked get all their good things in this life, and the good all their evil; that in this world God punishes the people he loves, and in the next, the ones he hates; that happiness makes us bad here, but not in heaven; that pain makes us good here, but not in hell. No matter how absurd these things may appear to the carnal mind, they must be preached, and they must be believed. If they were reasonable, there would be no virtue in believing. Even the publicans and sinners believe reasonable things. To believe without evidence, or in spite of it, is accounted as righteousness to the sincere and humble Christian. In short, Christians are expected to denounce all pleasant paths and rustling trees, to curse the grass and flowers, and glorify the dust and weeds. They are expected to malign the wicked people in the green and happy fields, who sit and laugh beside the gurgling springs or climb the hills and wander as they will. They are expected to point out the dangers of freedom, the safety of implicit obedience, and to show the wickedness of philosophy, the goodness of faith, the immorality of science and the purity of ignorance.

— Robert G. Ingersoll

Come Hell or High Water" usually depends on the kind of plug you use in the bath tub

— Josh Stern

Date rape is just plain moronic when you consider how slutty figs are

— Josh Stern