I don't suppose you would consider peaceful surrender?

— Eoin Colfer

If you were me, then I'd be you, and if I were you, then I'd hide somewhere far away.

— Eoin Colfer

Ignorance, as they say, is usually fatal, but sometimes it can be bliss.

— Eoin Colfer

I know what dissipate means, Arty. I'm not three, for heaven's sake.

— Eoin Colfer

I'm the crazy girly captain, Remember?

— Eoin Colfer

In my experience, boys are predictable. As soon as they think of something, they do it. Girls are smarter—they plan ahead. They think about not getting caught.

— Eoin Colfer

It's like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget.

— Eoin Colfer

It was no time for mercy, it was time to terminate with extreme prejudice.

— Eoin Colfer

Knock yourself out... Or rather, don't.

— Eoin Colfer

Let us proceed under the assumption that the fairy folk do exist, and that I am not a gibbering moron.

— Eoin Colfer