All men are mortal. Socrates was mortal. Therefore, all men are Socrates.

— Woody Allen

All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.

— Woody Allen

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.

— Woody Allen

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

— Woody Allen

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in my bath, and she'd come in and sink my boats.

— Woody Allen

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath, and she'd come in and sink my boats.

— Woody Allen

Because it's much more pleasant to be obsessed over how the hero gets out of his predicament than it is over how I get out of mine.

— Woody Allen

Bullshit french post-war rationalizing

— Woody Allen

David: And you think it can just evaporate? Even if at one time they loved one another? Marx: That's one of the sad truths of existence. Nothing in this world is permanent. Even the characters created by the great Shakespeare will, in millions of years, cease to exist—when the universe runs its course and the lights go out.

— Woody Allen

Death doesn't really worry me that much, I'm not frightened about it... I just don't want to be there when it happens.

— Woody Allen