Abstract anger is great for rhetorical carrying on. You can go on endlessly about the post office, but it doesn't mean you're mad at your mailman.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Adam Smith's huge failure was the fact that he did not foresee the industrial revolution.

— P. J. O'Rourke

A 'farm' today means 100,000 chickens in a space the size of a Motel 6 shower stall.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Agriculture is a business that has been up to its bib overalls in politics since the first Thanksgiving dinner kickback to the Indians for subsidizing Pilgrim maize production with fish head fertilizer grants.

— P. J. O'Rourke

All religions must be made child-proof. Our teachers' unions have done good work in this field, K through 12. Delaying first communions and bar mitzvahs until age 21 would be another positive step.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.

— P. J. O'Rourke

A very quiet and tasteful way to be famous is to have a famous relative. Then you can not only be nothing, you can do nothing too.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Being a humorist is not a voluntary thing. You can tell this because in a situation where saying a funny thing will cause a lot of trouble, a humorist will still say the funny thing. No matter how inappropriate.

— P. J. O'Rourke