They are just really stupid people in Hollywood. You write them a script, and they say they love it, they absolutely love it. Then they say, 'But doesn't it need a small dog, and an Eskimo, and shouldn't it be set in New Guinea?' And you say, 'But it is a sophisticated romantic comedy set in Paris.'

— P. J. O'Rourke

The young are adept at learning, but even more adept at avoiding it.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Tom DeLay may or may not have broken campaign finance laws, but he did his best to look like he was breaking them.

— P. J. O'Rourke

To mistrust science and deny the validity of scientific method is to resign your job as a human. You'd better go look for work as a plant or wild animal.

— P. J. O'Rourke

We loved cars until the '70s or so. Then they became appliances. They turned into motorized cupholders. Most of it has to do with urban sprawl. What began as pleasure ends up in necessity, as so many things do.

— P. J. O'Rourke

What Alexander Graham Bell thought up occupied less space than a flower vase. Now it's so small that I have to search all my pockets to discover I've received a spam text.

— P. J. O'Rourke

When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.

— P. J. O'Rourke

When I'm in the car, I want the only one shouting to be me.

— P. J. O'Rourke

When I was fifteen, I dreamed of living in the big city, as many a young person does if he is artistic and sensitive. By 'artistic and sensitive' I mean short, skinny, unkissed, bad at sports, and carrying a C average in high school.

— P. J. O'Rourke

When you pay a hospital bill, you're really paying two hospital bills - one bill for you because you have a job and/or insurance and can pay the hospital. And another bill, which is tacked onto your bill, to cover the medical expenses of someone who doesn't have a job and/or insurance and can't pay the hospital.

— P. J. O'Rourke