114 isn't as old as it used to be they say it's the new 104.

— Craig Ferguson

Acid gave me a clinical, unblinking look at madness, and I discovered I wasn't brave enough to be insane.

— Craig Ferguson

After all this time I found that the novel is in fact punk rock.

— Craig Ferguson

Alcohol ruined me financially and morally, broke my heart and the hearts of too many others. Even though it did this to me, and it almost killed me and I haven't touched a drop of it in seventeen years, sometimes I wonder if I could get away with drinking some now. I totally subscribe to the notion that alcoholism is a mental illness because thinking like that is clearly insane.

— Craig Ferguson

Allowances can always be made for your friends to disagree with you. Disagreement, vehement disagreement, is healthy. Debate is impossible without it. Evil does not question itself, only hope questions itself. Even the incorruptible are corruptible if they cannot accept the possibility of being mistaken. Infallibility is a sin in any man. All laws can be broken and are. Often. Like when a bumblebee flies or an ancient regime is toppled.

— Craig Ferguson

America truly is the best idea for a country that anyone has ever come up with so far. Not only because we value democracy and the rights of the individual, but because we are always our own most effective voice of descent.... We must never mistake disagreement between Americans on political or moral issues to be an indication of their level of patriotism. If you don't like what I say or don't agree with where I stand on certain issues, then good. I'm glad we're in America, and don't have to oppress each other over it. We're not just a nation, we're not an ethnicity. We are a dream of justice that people have had for a thousand years.

— Craig Ferguson

Anyone who's just driven 90 yards against huge men trying to kill them has earned the right to do Jazz hands.

— Craig Ferguson

Ask yourself the three things you must always ask yourself before you say anything. 1) Does this need to be said 2) “Does this need to be said by me? 3) Does this need to be said by me now?

— Craig Ferguson

At CBS, I’m in your house. I’m mindful of that. When I do standup, you’re in my home and I can say what I want to.

— Craig Ferguson

Be careful who you choose as your hero or who you choose to deify, be it Clay Aiken or Barack Obama. You put all your hope and all your dreams and all your ideas about stuff into one human being. They're a human being they're going to let you down. You can't make someone your hero because of something you read on the internet. The internet is not a source of information it is a source of disinformation.

— Craig Ferguson