An alibi is one alliterative consonant short of being a magic carpet

— Josh Stern

Anyone can spin a victory, it's a total loss that demands creativity

— Josh Stern

At this point in my life, beaming confidence is largely a matter of mind over bladder control

— Josh Stern

Behind every successful man, is a Woman breathing through her mouth

— Josh Stern

Be nice to people on your way up, because you'll land on them on your way down

— Josh Stern

Blood is thicker than water, and so is diarrhea

— Josh Stern

Blood is thicker than water, but they still use corn starch as a thickener on cooking shows

— Josh Stern

Come Hell or High Water" usually depends on the kind of plug you use in the bath tub

— Josh Stern

Date rape is just plain moronic when you consider how slutty figs are

— Josh Stern

Dating should really be more like furniture store commercials.... I would love to' pay no interest for 6 months

— Josh Stern