A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

— Groucho Marx

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

— Groucho Marx

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

— Groucho Marx

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

— Groucho Marx

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

— Groucho Marx

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

— Groucho Marx

A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I've got a nickle in my pocket.

— Groucho Marx

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

— Groucho Marx

Bel Air, I am convinced, was laid out by some diabolic sadist who deliberately decided not to use a compass or a surveyor.

— Groucho Marx

Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.

— Groucho Marx